Braving The F*** It Attitude
The question I would ask myself every year is “Has this year been a success”? However my new question I ask is "how do we define Success?
2017, what a year its been. This was the last year in my 20’s and I didn’t expect so many curve balls. It is safe to say that once again I guess my vision was a little naive. Being 29 with a month to my 30th I feel this is a good time to sum up a few things! I have had a year of ups in the hairdressing world and downs in the personal life, yet if you asked me if I have any regrets the answer is NO! How can you regret anything that has made us the person we are today? I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and sometimes that reason gets lost until we are in a position to look back and reflect.
I’m still growing in the hairdressing world but also, which I feel is more important, growing as a person. I would say 2017 has been a successful year on finding out “who I really am” and this is the reason I believe the career has continued to improve. I feel 2017 has been more of a success then any other year and it’s pretty simple why. I feel it is the first year I haven’t used hairdressing as a distraction to forget my personal problems. Hairdressing for me became an addiction the last few years and this is the first year I have truly got my head down and focused on me, myself and I as a person rather then continuing to bury my head in my passion.
The hairdressing career really is flourishing and I have put my heart and soul into achieving what I have so far in the last 7 years. Everyone has personal problems that can affect the path they believe they are on however every personal problem I have come across has given me more strength to use and develop myself as an individual. This year more so then others. I do believe that hairdressing changed my life as I found my purpose at a moment in my life when I was lost, and its safe to say I’ve been lost more then once.
The reason I feel I got lost was because I didn’t truly know who I was. It is never easy looking in that mirror, knowing you don’t like what you see. Its even harder to accept your flaws and make changes. Hairdressing became an addition because it was the only time when my thought process was free. When I cut hair nothing else in the world matters. I got lost in this world a bit like any addiction. So I refer back to the moment in my life when everything changed and that was my Nan passing away in March. This was the moment Nan made me realise that nothing nor nobody could ever make me happy, Nan made me realise that the only person in fact that could make me happy was ME! True inner peace was the new success for me and from this day forward I set out to find it. Sounds simple aye…. Well I honestly had no idea how difficult this next chapter was going to be.
I always put others first as it made me feel better. When I look back over many years, making people happy or smile was my priority but it actually ended up being my down fall as it never allowed me to focus on myself. Don't get me wrong, I love making people happy and will always try but I was not happy in my own skin so I had to be seen as selfish and go on the search. I never really had a voice, and always went along with the crowd as I didn’t want to upset the apple cart. I especially hated confrontation. I thought by making others happy that it would automatically make myself happy but boy how wrong was I..... Again! Ha!
This year the most important thing I learnt was the “not to give a fuck” attitude. However this attitude still needs to be controlled and used with respect and dignity. This new found attitude didn’t and doesn’t give me the right to use it in the wrong way or treat others any less. It just allows me to focus on myself and not worry what others think or say. I did see a lot of negativity out there and could never understand why people couldn’t be happy for others, or why people could be so judgmental. I then realised I couldn’t change this. I soon started to see that the less negativity I had in my life, the less I saw it in the world.
The worst feeling I remember was the fact I didn’t know how to adapt this attitude and find inner peace, I really didn’t know where to start. I always worried about what others thought and how they saw me and this was the only thing that was holding me back from personal development and furthering my career. So after Nan’s gift to me, and the realisation of what was important in life, then I decided to make changes. I’m not ashamed to admit I had therapy, in fact I had quite a lot of it. Therapy not only gave me a weird starting point to work on but also created a rapid process which was intense but was also the start of finding out who I really was. I took a back seat on everything else, I still continued with the day to day challenges of life but with a different mind set. I knew I needed to focus on this challenge to really allow myself to grow and move forward with genuine happiness. I knew this was the start of my transformation between boy who uses excuses to man who takes responsibility.
For the first time in my life I forced isolation upon myself, getting rid of the majority of distractions around me and all that was negative. After a few months went by I started to really accept myself and learn not be ashamed of the feeling I had about not fitting in. I have a long way to go and I’m certainly still a work in progress but once that initial change was made and I started to see some self belief and confidence within, then thats when the career found a new level of gratitude and appreciation. Everything started to flow a little easier once I started to see life differently. Happiness comes from within, and the inner peace is now what I will always strive towards over any achievement in life.
When you start to feel even a small amount of self belief and inner peace the world around you changes and becomes a better place. You see it through different eyes and it opens up a new world. I now thrive on growing internally and becoming the best possible person for Sam only. I'm starting to have a sense of "feeling complete” and the more we as individuals can feel that, then nothing will stop that genuine smile appearing on those faces because we will want for nothing nor nobody. That is then when amazing things will fall upon our lap.
Once we know who we are then the world is our oyster and good things start to happen with that positive thought process. I will continue and always have to work on my mind body and soul until the day I die and I will never stop wanting to help others, but feel I can do this more now I have a better understanding about myself. Don’t concentrate on the haters, don’t let the haters bring you down…. concentrate on the good, because there really is more good in this world then bad, it just depends on what your focus is, I don’t feel the modern day society we live in as a whole helps with negativity as its everywhere we look however I shall save that topic for another blog, just avoid Jeremy Kyle haha!
So to 2017 and with my 30th next month I shall be raising a toast to you Nan, as well as the continuous journey to finding inner peace. Moving on from my 20’s, to embracing the 30’s. What will the next decade bring, who knows but I’m excited. I would like to thank everyone who’s been involved in my journey thus far and may you all have a fabulous Christmas and a Happy New Year. I know I will.
Mr Sam Wall